Alright so I guess I will introduce myself in this wild world of blogging, this is more for reference so you know who you are getting the information from. I hate sounding like I am posting on another internet dating site but like it or not here we go.
Name: Abby
Age: 25
Sex: Female
Orientation: lesbian
Relationship Status: Single
Sign: Aries
There I think considering you're reading my blabber that is more that enough about me. Now here is the scoop after recently attending a lesbian singles weekend, it has come to my attention that the information available to girls for dating and meeting Lesbian women seems to be lacking a few key elements, is insensitive to the fact that a lot of girls of our orientation don’t necessarily live in gay centric communities, or even large communities where at least statistics wise you can apply some generalizations and say that there defiantly are girls out there who share your preference. I am sure there are no small amount of girls out there from small towns or communities who feel like they are the only one in their remote area that shares their mind set (don't worry I'm going to venture out and say even in most small towns you're not completely alone). Another problem I find with a lot of information is it doesn’t appeal to younger girls and seems just a tad out dated.
With this in mind I would like to declare to being an absolute and complete utter failure in the dating world, with no education or experience that allows me to write about this. However if you would like to read along with me as I take this bumpy journey into the realm of dating girls I hope we can all gain a little bit of insight. I do have some travelling experience in North America under my belt so hopefully we can take it from there. (I am going to refer to dykes, lesbian women, or homosexual women as Gay girls, it is easy to type and honestly it’s been my experience that most women these days refer to themselves as being gay, and really if only because it’s shorter why not? Sorry in advance to those who do not agree with the choice of wording)
Why is it so hard to meet gay women? (I will refer to lesbian women, as dykes, homosexual women or Gay girls, for the sake of variety, since variety is amateur in writing style I figure it fits me pretty well, if as a lesbian you are offended by any of these terms please insert you preferred term of choice over in the place of any offensive word, we have really all had enough censorship in our lives so just use your Jedi mind powers and ignore what you don't like) Well for those of you dykes our there with shot spiked hair and steal toed boots I would like to take the opportunity to shout out a big BRAVO! At least I can pick you out in a crowd. To those of you who make an effort to display your sexuality so that women will approach you I would personally like to extend my thanks, to those of you who are just this persona naturally. You are adorable and please don't ever change. Am I wrong in thinking that appearance is one of the reasons it's so hard to meet gay women? Unless you are dyked out to the max times ten, to the power of two (yes that is the exact formula I calculated it painstakingly as part of my no existent research for this blog) or you are the slutty fem or bisexual who is already plastered over some other girl. Then I really have no concept of which girls are of Lesbian orientation. It seems at least more women these days are perceptive to being asked without being overly offended about it, but it's still quite the ocean to navigate without any charts.
What is it that makes gay boys in even a small town hook up on a regular basis and relatively easy to pick out of a crowd? Is the code word Hey? That magically makes them appear from across the room, the sex drive? The fashion, the accessories? The fact that they cry in public? Honestly… it's all of the above, (yes I'm generalizing I know I have a point bare with me) Gay guys are individuals too one stereotype isn't going to apply to all of them, but if they are advertising the fact that they are single generally one or more will apply for the sake of attracting a mate.
Let's be honest gay or straight men have biological instincts to attract a mate, that's just how it is, it's thousands of years of instinct encoded into their DNA and it shows in the way that gay male culture has evolved while lesbian culture has been slower on the upswing. Celebrities in the community help by setting standards and trends that people copy and look up to. By displaying these trends they attract other people of the same community who get the reference, outsiders aren't likely to identify with this trends or if they become well known they will be recognized by outsides which gives outsides and expectation of what to expect from an individual in social interaction, and the option to avoid social confrontation passively by avoiding people who display traits they don't agree with or like. As evils as corporate America has made trend setting, I think it is something sorely lacking in the Lesbian culture. We don't have enough stereotypes and it shows. Gay men are known as trend setters in style, fashion, business and design, because it is a social benefit to their life style. The homophobic heterosexual male or female at least by seeing trends they dislike or disagree with, at least has the option to passively avoid that person, and people who identify with the trends are attracted to that person for friendship or otherwise. I'm sure there is a ton of research done on this stuff but since I haven't read any of it I'll leave it at the basics.
Do an exercise write down 10 things that would lead you to assume a boy you just met was gay, and then do the same for a girl. I don't know about you but I found the girl way harder to come up with a list for. Part of the reason we may have a hard time meeting each other as Lesbians is because we spend a lot of our time trying to pick out who is available to us and who is straight or in a relationship. So please girls let's do some trend setting. I know fashion is not usually what we are known for, and I'm not suggesting we attempt to launch a take over of Ambicrombi and Fich because I have a feeling we would lose that war, but let's realistically look at some things we can do ESPECAILLY as single gay girls, to let people know we are out there and looking.
Please feel free to leave comments on trends you know of in Lesbian women, stereotypes even. Maybe with enough experience your gay-dar develops to a better level? Or am I the only one that has a problem with this? For all the girls out there who are just stepping out into the Lesbian world please allow me to say you are not alone if you are having a hard time with the “who is who” when it comes to looking for love. One thing that comforted me was watching the stand up performance of Ellen where she accidentally identifies a female member of the audience as Male. That makes me think I might not be the only one who hits unavoidable bumps in picking out perspective mates. I'm just glad I don't have to contend with stage lights on top of the confusion.
